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[短篇楼] 【诗作】一首赠给秋姐妹的英文诗。灵感来源于Keats的 To Autumn

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发表于 2017-1-5 11:03:04 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
楼主萌新,这是卤煮第二次写英文诗,请大神们轻喷。

我在米国这边上高中,去年上British Literature的时候解除了英国浪漫主义诗,和中国的田园诗蛮有共鸣之处,受到了一些感触,感觉挺喜欢的。

John Keats则是浪漫主义诗人中造诣最深的一个,我个人非常喜欢他的To Autumn,就在原诗基础上进行了改变,写了一篇关于秋天和秋姐妹的诗。题目就保留原题以向Keats大大致敬。(Keats的原诗To Autumn会在二楼放出)

希望大家喜欢,欢迎讨论和建议,接受合理批评,喷子请绕道。

最近正在写一首主角组的诗,写完后会另外开贴放出。(PS,开篇四句基本是直接把原诗给搬来了,本来想自己写点别的,但因为原诗开篇实在太赞了,自己怎么写怎么觉得烂。。。。。。)

To Autumn

To Aki Minoriko

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,   
Close bosom friend of the fertile earth;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eve’s run;
To fill the world with a tempting taste;
By reddening the glaring apple
And ripening the grape purple;
By drooping the abundant rice with cores like new-born babes;
To delight the heavy pomegranates,
Who fissure and laugh with tears of joy,
Which glow and burnish like the shine of ruby.

Thou art seen everywhere,
Harvesting with farmers,
together chanting a melody of blessing;
Napping by apple trees,
In a scent of sweetness immersing.
With feet nude, thou run in the endless field,
Thy blond hair gleams brighter than the resounding aubade.
Was that thee who handed those sweet potatoes,
Fresh-baked from ashes of leaves
To the girl who newly joined neighbors
With thy sweetest smile surpassing the taste of the gift?
Did she give thee the warmest hug?

To Aki Shizuha

Season of frost and ceasing light,
Solitary artist among silent leaves,
Picking a feather from the rustling blanket,
And forming it into a pen for her magic booklet
To dye the falling leaves-
Turning, spinning, hovering, and dancing
As tears falling from trees-
With colors from faded flowers;
To spray the fog that chills the valley cold;
To paint rivers and lakes bleak
-Still water lower and lower,
Wild geese hover and hover;
And to draw the final barline for songs of cicadas-
A lyrical ballad singing their moment of shining,
And burning their lengthy, tedious lives of waiting.

Thou art found nowhere.
Art thou a hermit who lives in a cabin remote,
Aside a gentle flowing brook, down the foot of a distant mount?
Would I find thee pacing in a field of asters-
Noble, solitary flowers detached from sublunary wearies-
Thy tender hair gently patted by the chilly breeze,
And maple-like dress dancing with the swinging blossoms?
Or under the cloudless sky, would thou sing a woeful elegy,
The millennial song of love, everlasting, never resulting?


To Autumn

Would I see thee bathing in the warm light of daybreak,
Which dresses the forest with golden silk?
Or would I find thee drowsing in the coolish wind during sunset,
Which marks the time of a day’s end?
Shalt thou be the fertile earth,
Or the silent leaves,
Either, both, or neither?
Perhaps, thou art just autumn, just there,
Living permanently for us to declare.
Yet, despite whom thou art,
Despite what thou have brought,
Within this endless world
Thy eternal beauty shall never fade.
 楼主| 发表于 2017-1-5 11:05:06 | 显示全部楼层
原始如下,Keats大大prpr

To Autumn
-John Keats

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
   Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
   With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
   And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
      To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
   With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
      For summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
   Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
   Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
   Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
      Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
   Steady thy laden head across a brook;
   Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
      Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the songs of spring? Ay, Where are they?
   Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,—
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
   And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
   Among the river sallows, borne aloft
      Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
   Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
   The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
      And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

点评

竟然在東方看見了濟慈!  发表于 2017-1-5 19:28
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发表于 2017-1-5 13:10:41 | 显示全部楼层
我想知道英文诗是不是也要讲究韵律呢?这个诗读起来总觉得不是很舒服(从音律上看).也可能是我英语念的太烂了

点评

有啊,抑扬格啊,音步啊什么的。不过我读的不多,不是很了解  发表于 2017-1-7 17:39
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 楼主| 发表于 2017-1-5 13:27:56 | 显示全部楼层
长乐乐 发表于 2017-1-5 13:10
我想知道英文诗是不是也要讲究韵律呢?这个诗读起来总觉得不是很舒服(从音律上看).也可能是我英语念的太烂 ...

英文诗的韵律和中文是不太一样,也是讲究的,我自己的那首因为水平有限没有能力完全押韵,是半free style的,不过尽量追求了英文的音律美。

但是二楼的那首John Keats的原版英文诗读起来应该是是非常舒服的,其中的押韵,停顿和节奏感,发音与主题的契合,等等都是几乎做到了极致的。

如果是不习惯英文的话一开始读确实怪怪的,而且说实话近百年来欧美国家的诗人越来越不看重诗中的音乐美了QAQ。

感谢你的评论,我自己读的时候也会发现有些地方略别扭,还需要再修改。
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发表于 2017-1-5 13:44:36 | 显示全部楼层
LyricalBallads 发表于 2017-1-5 13:27
英文诗的韵律和中文是不太一样,也是讲究的,我自己的那首因为水平有限没有能力完全押韵,是半free style ...

唉。我念英文的话不会那种英文的语调,不管是英音还是美音,有些地方可能明明处理的很好但我感受不出来吧,。最近也在恶补口语中。。该死的TOEFL和GRE。
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 楼主| 发表于 2017-1-5 13:58:50 | 显示全部楼层
长乐乐 发表于 2017-1-5 13:44
唉。我念英文的话不会那种英文的语调,不管是英音还是美音,有些地方可能明明处理的很好但我感受不出来吧 ...

大神在学GRE啊......我才刚申请大学。不过托福如果需要帮忙的话我也许有点用,才考过两个月还是有些印象的
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发表于 2017-1-5 14:12:00 | 显示全部楼层
LyricalBallads 发表于 2017-1-5 13:58
大神在学GRE啊......我才刚申请大学。不过托福如果需要帮忙的话我也许有点用,才考过两个月还是有 ...

什么大神,只是年龄大。托福我现在找到练习的方式了,不过要想考上110还是需要时间积累和一些运气啊。。。

点评

嘛,105,110的感觉都差不多。就看写作运气怎么样。  发表于 2017-1-5 14:36
QAQ一想到好不容易弄完托福sat,过一两年又要纠结GRE。。。好恐慌。我们一起共勉  发表于 2017-1-5 14:24
托福没有必要110,就是个门槛,考个105就够用了。另外如果你英语水平还可以的话不用先管托福,等GRE学的差不多托福对你就非常简单了。就是对于在天朝的学生口语可能略蛋疼(托福口语给的时间真tm少。。。坑死人)  发表于 2017-1-5 14:23
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发表于 2017-1-5 16:28:26 | 显示全部楼层
英文诗啊 赞
感觉写得不错的 建议楼主可以发去r/touhou 赚点karma
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 楼主| 发表于 2017-1-7 15:44:05 | 显示全部楼层
turquoise 发表于 2017-1-5 16:28
英文诗啊 赞
感觉写得不错的 建议楼主可以发去r/touhou 赚点karma

QAQ,不是很懂r/touhou和karma是啥...

点评

Reddit是一个类似贴吧的网站,r/touhou就是东方吧。既然是英文诗不如和欧美的爱好者分享一下。Karma是个Reddit的评分系统的积分  发表于 2017-1-7 16:06
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